Cuddling Up.
[Music::: AFI - This Celluloid Dream]
A feeling so well,
warm and loved,
I'm in all my glory,
Cuddling up,
You held me,
Wishing I'd be there forever,
I listened,
the steady beat of a life,
Sain yet comforting,
Beautiful m'love,
Step by step,
Inch by inch,
Beat by beat,
Closer and closer,
To you m'dear,
I'd love waking to you,
Though i won't,
I'll be home,
Though i'll dream of you,
A restless sleep,
You've invaded my mind;
Greenaway. <3
M'love.
[Music::: "Hot hot heat - No, Not now"]
I've seen you twice now, Love,
Though is seems as if I've known you longer,
With you comes my joy,
Lying awake,
I think of you love,
You're beautiful,
Mentally,
Physically,
To every exstent,
I've naught been a path quite like this,
It's dark and clouded,
With none but a faint light,
I'll find my way,
That is a fact,
Though I pray you,
My love,
My happiness,
My light,
Will be beside me,
To hold my hand,
and understand me.
Even when i myself do not.
EMO CUNT;
Greenaway.
P.S. I think I'm blessed.
Le Glee of Yochanan.
[Music::: The Black Halos - Sell-Out Love.]
Jenni feels special. she found a boy who has a place is her heart. it happened quickly. a nice wake up call from her imagenation to reality. she dropped le puppy crush. love is odd. Jenni barly understands it if she does at all. Love one, yet love another. it's like Living, yet dieing. everybody get's burned eventually it's almost like an open flame. Isn't it? Jenni doesn't know. She does know she likes a boy seriously though. and they've talked. everybody has talked. feelings exchanged. points of views, were thought over. Big sister's best friend...? odd connection. but it's fair. Khrystyne thought it was cute. Jenni was so flattered and in a very good mood. she was full of "Glee." It's a beautiful feeling. one that she had naught felt in some time. now.
Accidentally in love...<3
- Yochanan
Latest days.?
[Music: Nine Inch Nails - Closer]
Mhm... Well, what's happened to Jenni lately... She's fallen for him, deeper now. She hates it, mainly because it ain't gonna happen... but anyway.
Thursday:
Khrystyne dyed Jenni's hair. *love* Blonde and Black, undercut is leopard print!!!
Friday's Metal Show:
Jenni begged father for a ride, he agreed. People were there, people were met. Jenni was hit, multiple times. Punched in the jaw and such. Aj never showed, neither did Jesse, but Jenni had fun anyway, so she didn't complain. Laurina showed up there, "Hey, 12-year-old, Drink...Beer...Now!" *Dumps beer in Jenni's mouth*. Jenni likes Laurina, she's nice and works as a boot. So, eventually Jenni and Khrystyne were picked up to be, homeifed, While'st dropping le Khrystyne off, Jenni's fathers car got stuck in the snow. Jenni + Khrystyne pushing a car = hillarious sight. All in all, twas fun.
Saturday's Sledding: A story for the Ages. (The next Jackass)
Jenni was phoned. Cassie, "Jenni! wanna come bumper skiing and sleding?" "Alright, I've got nothing to do today...". Jenni showered. Got ready and headed to Cassie's. The 5 headed to Brittni's, then the 6 headed to get Josh. They drove to Bowen, and dropped of Josh and Brent. Then the rest headed WAY out to bumper ski. Truck got stuck... blah blah blah eventually the deed was done, in which case. they headed to get, Brent and Josh. so they sledded a bit with them... Jenni, Cassie and Brittni went down together. then ran back up the hill. The hill was huge... It's on bowen road, by the bowl... but anyway... Dave pushed Jenni and Cassie down the hill on the sled again. Jenni was in the back. They hit the jump about 3/4 of the way down the hill. Remember this is a Foam Sled. Jenni got 5ft of air then smoked the ground hard. her vision went out a minute, but she knew she was wailing. she couldn't move at all. her back was dead. it hurt like fuck. she laid there for sometime. untill Andy (Cassies Dad) got to the bottem of the hill. she was carried to the truck. and got home around 5:35ish. she couldn't walk. so she just slept. she woke up at 8:30 and could just barely walk... but in extreme pain. so. Why'd she go off a jump that 2.5ft high, beats me. now looking back... it's funny. Seeing that on video would be hillarious. THE NEXT JACKASS. hah. Jenni's a stupid kid, She loves it. Of all the broken bones, that hurt the most.
Love Story: (Cont)
So Jenni wants to tell you more about her latest fellings. like she said she's fallen, fallen hard. Hit in the face with a board of wood?, she sure was. it was a big smack in the face knowing its a hole thats getting deeper. New Year's memories are on repeat in her brain. playing mindlessly. conversations and such are heard frequently. she loves the feeling, but hates the thought, he loves another, she's happy for him. and she's jelious of her. which is completely fair? right? Well, I thought so... I'm the intelligent part of Jenni.
Jenni's accidentally in love...<3
P.S. JENNI MAY BE A NINJA.
Now Fuck off you wanks.
New years / Birthday party.
Gawd, Jenni loved New Years. Her and Khrystyne met Aj at the mall and got on the bus and headed downtown. Aj picked up to O.E.s then they walked for a bit. They ran into a few of Aj's friends. They made Jenni drink, She wanted to but, there was one drink she had no idea what it was... it made her head light... She was anxious, she wanted Jesse to hang-out with them. but he was working untill 10:30 or so. Aj had to call him around 11. but it was only about 7. Therefore, she was freakin out. around 8 they head to the Scout Hut... to meet with the "Dark Children" there was some relativly awesome people there. Lana got beer dumped on her head. Actually, Lana is a new friend of Jenni. So by now it's getting later... they're in Tim Hortons getting coffee... Khrystyne looks over... and whose sitting on the other side of the building but Jenni's brother James... Jenni then got kinda uncomfortable there... so eventually the group left and walked around awhile... 10:00... Gawd, time took forever... They headed to see Stabilo... fuck yeah!!! 11:00... Jesse was called... About time Jenni was insanely happy. INSANELY. Jesse showed up, Jenni hugged him. She likes him quite a bit now. He's ever so pritty and so very nice. So... Jesse's slamming a O.E. when some cops show up. he slammed about half of one. they dumped the rest and the other along with some guisness and such. but they didn't find Aj's wine. So they did have some drinks for later on. Mmk, so Jesse was a little off... and the rest of the group were normal. Bus was caught to country club mall and the 4 headed to Jenni's house. they arrived at the motorhome about 45minutes later. Jenni and Jesse chilled on the table/bed and Khrystyne and Aj fucked on the top bunk. The motorhomewas shaking violently. *Khrystyne throws a condom at Jenni* "I think you should use it." *Jenni and Jesse chuckle* *Aj's head pokes out from under the curtain* "Okay, Maybe you don't get it?".... Jenni knew what would've, could've and according to Styne and Aj should've happened... but it did not. Jenni half wished it did, she likes that boy alot but doesn't really know how he feels. Anyway, Khrystyne and Aj finished for then.. and came down... The boys went and had a smoke.. Jenni went and got a bottle opener (corkscrew). So they all drank some wine. Jesse was forced to pound about half of it down. Aj opened a beer and couldn't finish it. Jenni drank about half and tried to feed Jesse the rest. Aj and Styne fucked again. The conversation happened almost the same one actually. Nothing happened though... condoms were thrown back and forth. Jenni knew she wanted to, but knew it wouldn't happen. Her and Jesse chuckled at the motorhome shaking, Jesse made Jenni pound the rest of the beer down, which parcially ended up on her blanket as she coughed it up. Then they finally went to sleep. Jenni woke up early. She was instantly happy. She woke up facing Jesse, his face near to hers and his arm around her waist. She gave him a small peck on the cheek knowing he wouldn't wake up or know. And that exact feeling like everything in the world was right. Jenni desided she really liked that boy. She drifted to sleep again. this time she woke up parcially leaning on his back, clearly he rolled over. In the morning Jenni was confused. she was missing a sock and wasn't wearing her outer pair of pants. So Khrystyne and her desided those were 2 mistury's that needed solved, and according to Styne the 3rd was why Jenni and Jesse didn't fuck. But. Jenni desided that one should be forgotten. So, the boy's were picked up. Jenni went to Styne's and the night was over. Nobody was hungover. Hurray.
I now believe...<3 ;
Greenaway.
Oh, and Jenni's desided she's glad that Dan and her split. She wants to kick his ass. Jenni thinks love's been found in HER heart but, we'll see. The power of love is a curious thing. So her felling's are strong and sorted. Fucka's!!!
Now fuck off asshole's, What more do you want. ?
Christmas Eve + Morning...
It was a fun day. Jesse picked up his cup in Spencers while Nick phoned home. We were picked up. Jesse phoned home. Rick came and picked up Jesse and Jenni from the top of the road near Nick's house. Ricks a funny guy. He was teasing Jenni about how far the drive was and about her direction giving. So Jenni was then at home... She would've must rathered the day have been longer. But home is home. and that is where she spend the rest of the night.
This morning Jenni got up at 9:30... when Le James woke her up. Opened presants... hung around... ate chocolate. the olives are her favorite though. Jenni got "The Blood Brothers - Crimes" and "Marilyn Manson - Lest We Forget: The Best Of." and for that she is happy. She keeps listening to those wonderful cd's.
Accidentally in Love;
Greenaway.
Act-a-fool...
Well clearly Jenni is the fool this year. She's the only one with no plans, no life, and no holiday spirit. She doesn't like Christmas. More specifically she doesn't like being alone ON christmas... and this year, she will be... Jenni's mother, father and brother all eat meat... therefore the fresh turkey is in the fridge... God, it is discusting. Jenni hates opening the fridge because of that poor bird... Some people have no respect...
Currently, Jenni is on the computer... Msn is running... Music is playing. She's talking to Dylan and Jesse, though Jesse's gone at the moment... He'll return.. eventually...
"And when they pulled you out, You didn't know your name, Exploding semi-truck ablurred you face with flame." It's all Jenni hears "Love rhymes with Hideous car wreck - The blood brothers" nobody could not love that song... It is so beautiful...
God, Jenni's got an idea. A good one but still, Jenni's got an idea. She is a fool. A fool for love. We'll see if she does anything.
Greenaway...<3
Life as we know it.
[Music::: The Blood Brothers - Rats and Rats and Rats for Candy]
Jenni opened this screen at 8:30. It's now 8:55. And she's written this much. God, that's horrible. She always has something to write. Not today though. Jenni now offically is 87% percent sure she absolutly likes this pritty pritty boy. For some reason she thought about him most of the day. without even talking to him. she has a tendancey to know where he is... though in this case he told her last night... Jenni thinks it is weird. Considering she still hardly knows him. I still think it may be a new love...
Accidentally in Love...<3
Well today Jenni was home in udder boredum. She cleaned her room and talked to Khrystyne most of the day. Khrystyne asked Jenni what she was doing for christmas eve. Jenni replied nothing why? Khrystyne thought Jenni may have been going to the work party that she's going to with Aj... why Jenni would be going is a bit off. no idea personally. well actually that's a lie. i could tell you. but i'd rather not. Well, when you come down to if. Jenni and I both just gave the hell of everything away. but basically. Jenni likes a boy, he is un-named, She's sure he knows. But maybe if not, that told him.?
To whom it may consern: *cough cough* "Aj, Khrystyne, Myself and Jesse"
Jenni's birthday get together is either... the: 27th, 28th, or the 1st. If you wouldn't mind letting her know the best day for you.?
The power of love is a curious thing.
Greenaway.
P.S. Hopefully i'll go back to un-faggish stories soon.
P.P.S. Finally at 9:30... I'm done.
The boredum of today...
[...Music - Flogging Molly - Drink and Fight...]
Jenni hates holiday's. She waits all year but when they come around she's bored out her mind. Lately all Jenni and I think about is a surtant boy. He's usually online. I hope we get to talk to him tonight. Jenni still doesn't see the good of what may happen if she tells him. Maybe he feels the same? Like i said. I KNOW he does, whereas, Jenni just thinks it. I would tell him, though i do not know the way to say such a thing... I could write it here, in hopes that he would read it. But then Jenni and Myself would look like dumbasses. Therefore, waiting is the best solution. Maybe he'll want to hang-out one day, And maybe Jenni will let me out. He'd like me so much more than Jenni. Those who love Jenni, see me. One day him and I shall have a swell time. But when that day comes... I may never know. But for now I think this may be love...?
Accidentally in Love...<3
Greenaway.
Jenni is a happy child...
[Music - Dropkick Murphy's - Kiss me I'm shitfaced]
Jenni is happy. She only needs one thing. A Sir. Not just any Sir. There's a Sir she knows and she wants. Jenni knows a story, it makes her happy inside. Jenni likes this Sir alot and wishes he knew, though she doesn't want to tell him. She won't tell him, but she really wants to. Jenni is a dumbass, I hate her sometimes. I am not her, I am a figment in her mind, The real her. The outgoing, fun, awesome side. I would tell him... She wouldn't and will not. Though she thinks he knows. And I know he knows. We are different people. Though I wish we were not. I love Jenni, but lets face it... She is stupid, shy and a bit of a fag. One day Jenni will tel Sir, But intill then... waiting is all she can do.
DIE DIE DIE! That's My Rant.
Greenaway...<3
Gar... I'm a faggit.
Well Jenni + Daniel = No longer... I can't say i'm happy... i can't say i'm sad... it sucks... But eventually it was going to happen obviously. It's hard to believe anybody ties down at our age...? Khrystyne and Aj are together. I really wish i had what they currently have... They care, love, share, cuddle and ofcourse sex. But the sex means something. it really is a beautiful thing. they really do have it all... Blah emotional train wreck of a life... DIE DIE DIE!.
8 Days Till Jenni's Brithday!!! I actually will be doing something this year. which is great! I love Khrystyne! she is my happiness... some how. it is love... haha.
I find it hard to believe alot of my feelings right now.
"I walk a lonely road, the only one that i have ever known, don't know where it goes, but it's only me, and i walk alone."
Everything's complicated. I don't know what i know exactly. emotions run high. therefore i run and hide. i really do hate hiding a love for a person, from them, but i think i need to. unless they feel the same, and right now i'm thinking that this person does not. due to the fact, i do not know the lovely boy well...
so in fucking conclusion. I'm a dumbass, Nanaimo it a hicktown, Die, And Fuck Everyone *Grins*
I love life.. in an un-loving way.
Greenaway
*Sighs*....God.i.hate.being.me.
This all sucks. I hate it. Love itself is a mystery to me... I told Dan... that the reason I've been angery lately is because "Somebody else caught my eye aswell" and I told him not to worry. I think I crushed him. And therefore, I now feel bad. I'm hating every bit of this. Everything in my life(Other than Khrystyne and some friends...) is a fucking joke. I think God hates me.
So Dan's angery... i'm currently lonely and now crushed. and yet i almost feel better... i feel more.... ALIVE. Cut me and i bleed.
"But it's better that you know... isn't it?"
"Or if u just kept it to yourself and didn't do eny thing about it and let it go away"
How do i know these feelings for my crush are going to go away...? I just wanted you to know! Fuck i hate this all... I'm listening to The Blood Brothers - Rats and Rats and Rats for Candy... It makes me chuckle... Therefore. i'm slightly better...
Okay... Read this...
Dear Lovely;
I think that I like you. I just want to know you better. It's hard because you don't know well. and because I love Dan. I want to see where these feelings go though. I want to know you better. You're such a pritty boy. And I think you know who you are. You're older than me and May not notice me as more than a Grade.8 but I hope you would like to get to know me too...<3
"I'm breathing so I know that I'm alive, Even though signs tell my otherwise."
Greenaway - Without friends, Crushed inside.
The agenda for today + today's rant!!
{Music::: TOOL - Cold and Ugly}
Today... Well as everyone knows I havn't been sleeping much... Soo i missed C & D today and slept in...
10:45 - Wakes up
11:00 - Showers
12:25 - Catch's Bus
12:35 - Gets to school, Goes to CAPP in C wing
1:45ish - Goes to french...
3:00 - Dismissal
3:05ish - Walks home with Jesse and Khrystyne...<3>3:40 - Runs into Brittni's Mom and gets a ride home.
5:20ish - Khrystyne's Father picks her up...
Now - Eating icecream, WITH A SPOON!
Later - Nothing for now...*sadness*
*Drum Role*.... TODAY'S RANT IS::::::::
REALITY TV!!!
HOW ABOUT THIS....
STOP WITH THE FUCKING REALITY SHOWS. I AM SO SICK OF THIS FUCKIN' BULLSHIT WITH THE
FUCKING FAKE-ASS MARRIAGES FOR MONEY, THE MUNCHKIN BACHELORS, AND ANYTHING
THAT HAS TO DO WITH GREEDY MOTHERFUCKERS WHO WILL DEGRADE THEMSELVES FOR CASH.
AND THAT "SIMPLE LIFE" WITH FRENCH HILTON AND THAT OTHER ILLIGITIMATE
WHORE. HOW COME THESE DUMB BITCHES DIDN'T GET TRAMPLED BY FUCKIN' CATTLE ON THAT
FARM?!? I'M SO SICK OF SOME UN-ATTRACTIVE BIMBO SELLING HER SOUL BECAUSE SHE'S
FUCKIN' STUPID. YOU WANT REALITY? HOW ABOUT A REALITY SHOW WHERE YOU OIL UP THAT
HILTON BITCH AND THROW HER NAKED INTO AN ALL MALE JAIL FILLED WITH SERIAL KILLERS
AND RAPISTS. GIVE THEM A BUNCH OF 12 INCH SHARP OBJECTS AND LET EM LOOSE ON HER
ASS.
YEAH, WELCOME TO REALITY!
AND DON'T GIVE ME THAT "YOU'RE SO CRUEL" BULLSHIT. NOT ONLY WOULD YOU HAVE A
REALITY SHOW THAT PEOPLE WOULD ACTUALLY WANT TO WATCH, BUT YOU ALSO HAVE A GREAT
START FOR A SERIES ON AN ALL NEW NETWORK CALLED THE "SNUFF" CHANNEL. THE WHOLE
CHANNEL WOULD BE DEDICATED TO THE ELIMINATION OF A FUCKIN' MORON, EVERY HALF
HOUR! I WOULD BE PERSONALLY INVOLVED IN EVERY SHOW AND WOULD WORK OVERTIME TO
ENSURE THAT 48 IDIOTS WERE REMOVED FROM SOCIETY EVERY DAY.
SEE, I HAVE IDEAS, AND THIS FUCKING FEAR FACTOR SHIT. OH, WOOPDEE-DOO...EAT A
BUNCH OF LIQUIFIED RATS AND WE'LL GIVE YOU 3,000 DOLLARS. I HATE THESE SHOWS THE TRY TO INTRODUCE FEAR. YOU WANT TO SEE FEAR, HOW ABOUT I SIT YOUR FUCKIN'
CONTESTANTS DOWN IN A SMALL ROOM, CHAIN EM DOWN NAKED INTO METAL CHAIRS THAT
ARE WIRED TO A HEATING SYSTEM. WHAT YOU DO, IS THEN YOU TURN UP THE HEAT SLOWLY
OVER A 32 HOUR PERIOD, SLOWLY INCREASING THE AMMOUNT OF HEAT CONDUCTED THROUGH
THE METAL CHAIRS UNTIL IT'S AS HOT AS A BRANDING IRON. AND ONCE THEY'VE PASSED OUT
DUE TO THE EXTREME PAIN BROUGHT ABOUT BY A 32 HOUR BURNING FLESH FEST, HANG EM
ON A WALL BY THEIR ARMS, IN A ROOM WHERE THE ONLY VISABLE THING IS A SIGN THAT SAYS
"YOU HAVE THIS MUCH TIME LEFT TO LIVE" WITH A COUNTDOWN UNDERNEATH, STARTING AT
24 HOURS AND COUNTING DOWN BY THE SECOND.
SO NOW THEY GOTTA HANG THEIR, JUST WATCHING THE CLOCK...WONDERING WHAT'S
GOING TO HAPPEN... HOW ARE THEY GONNA DIE....WILL IT BE WORSE THAN THE HEATING
CHAIR....WHO KNOWS.....
ONCE THE CLOCK GETS DOWN TO THE FINAL SECOND YOU TURN ON THE LIGHTS AND YELL
"SURPRISE".... AND IF THEY DON'T DIE OF A HEART ATTACK, YOU HIT EM IN THE FACE WITH A
LARGE PIE. ....SIT BACK, ALL LAUGH, PRETEND IT'S ALL A JOKE.....LULL THEM INTO A FALSE
SENCE OF SECURITY BY SAYING, "YOU'VE WON 10 MILLION DOLLARS", ...THEN TAKE OUT THE
RAZORS AND SALT.
I COULD GO ON, BUT I THINK THAT'S A LITTLE TOO MUCH REALITY FOR SOME OF YOU.
AND I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT "HOW SICK AND TWISTED" THESE IDEAS AND CONCEPTS ARE... YOU DON'T LIKE IT, TOO BAD....IF TELEVISION HAD SOME DECENT SHOWS TO
OCCUPY AND ENTERTAIN MY MIND, I WOULDN'T HAVE SUCH DEMENTED THOUGHTS
SO IT'S YOUR FAULT....WELCOME TO REALITY TV ASSHOLES!
Hah... I love the human mind...
I'm going to make you feel bad for me.!
Okay, so... I've got Daniel... I absolutly adore him... but I really am starting to think I like somebody else now... Name's shall not be mentioned... Therefore you can already see my prediciment... It quite the mix up of feelings... Would you agree.? Okay back now, So this new boy... is a really big crush of mine... but I don't think he knows me as more than a stupid grade.8, Eh? Considering he's older than me... But he really is such a pritty boy... I half-assed wish he knew what I think of him... but our friendship is still new... I hardly even know the child... But Gawd... I really like him... I think he may know too, it is quite obvious. But I can't help it...
It's like... Being in an extremly big forest in the middle of the night, Drunk... You trip, fall, stumble and curse... But no matter how much ou try you can't get out because your vision is blurry and all you see is black...
So... what do I do...? It's hard to not tell Dan... but this new guy doesn't even know how I feel. I feel like I'm dying! I never worry this much... Lately I'm living on coffee... I can't sleep anymore... If hurts me now... Will it hurt more if I do something... or if i don't...? I musn't wreak our still new friendship but I can't break Dan's heart... I love him... but I love ______ to... I guess I won't know for awhile...?